Updated: Sep 7, 2020
If you have read my book or followed me for any time, you know that I compare grief to a suitcase and not just any suitcase but an old, beat-up bag from WWI. Horribly heavy and a true burden to lug around.
When asked how she sees her grief, Sandi LaRose replied: "I think I would equate my grief to walking through a labyrinth or maze. Initially there is panic of not finding a way out. I compare that feeling to the panic, heart racing, gut wrenching pain of hearing the words "Kailynn will have no quality of life IF she pulls through".
Then you try to calm the anxiety that sets in, so you can find your way out. For me that would be the moment we decided to donate Kailynn's organs and grant her her final wish.
Then all of a sudden there is an eery calm as you look up from this maze and see nothing but the sky, sun, moon, stars and realize that all that is shining down on you will guide you.
So you walk; meander through the halls of life, this maze, this labyrinth - never knowing what is around the next corner. Anger, sadness, helplessness, and maybe even a tiny glimmer of happiness as well as the many other emotions that you run into.
It is never-ending.
I feel I will never really find my way out and part of me doesn't want to. Because, when I look up and see the moon, sun, stars, I know it is Kailynn and a tiny bit of me, although maybe a tad selfish, wants to stay in there by myself with her.
I have found an opening to exit and enter whenever I want. Because I can and I will and that does give me control over an uncontrollable tragedy.
Here is the spiritual meaning of labyrinth: it is an ancient symbol that relates to wholeness. It combines the imagery of the circle and the spiral into a meandering but purposeful path. The Labyrinth represents a journey to our own center and back again out into the world. Labyrinths have long been used as meditation and prayer tools."
Sandi LaRose is the mother of Kailynn, a spirited and joyful young woman who died at the age of 17 when her car was struck by a train. Sandi continues to speak about the importance of organ donation and works with organizations to increase awareness around distracted driving.
***If you are struggling with the loss of your child and aren't sure where to start, check out the free download My favourite Grief Resources for Grieving Mothers