After my daughter's funeral, I remember walking into the house and falling to my knees. I screamed at God "Just tell me what to do!"
When your child is born, there are resources galore to help you. Your doctor has great advice, there's a lactation consultant, home visits by a nurse, books on every topic related to birth and the care of a newborn, and so much more. Anyone who has experienced the joy of childbirth or adopting a newborn is excited to talk to you about how to find your way, get sleep, manage those crazy days filled with feedings and feelings of overwhelm.
But, when your child dies, there are few resources. Most doctors that I have encountered want to hand you a prescription for anti-depressants and a referral to a psychiatrist. While these are reasonable first steps, this is the tip of the iceberg for bereaved moms. I found that it was up to me to search out and find things that helped me cope with my pain. And I did. But it was a scramble. I reached out in a thousand different directions looking for help. I tried everything I could think of, but not everyone has the capacity for that.
I wish I had known what websites were helpful, and which ones were not instead of being offended by some of them. I wish my therapist had been equipped with the name of support groups so I didn't have to go digging. I wish I didn't have to proceed with a trial and error approach when I was so exhausted and so very broken.
When you hardly have the energy to climb out of bed and shower, how can you possibly have the energy to research resources to help support yourself and learn about grief after death?
The answer is you don't.
As unique as we all are on this journey, I really wish that someone had handed me a "starter kit" of sorts. Something that had a few good books about grief and loss, a list of reputable websites that were helpful as well as the contact information for support groups or therapists would have been so appreciated.
I sat down the other day and made a list of 21 resources that I have found helpful on my own journey. It includes so many of the things that have been a support to me since Katie died. I now have this list ready for you to download, so if you are feeling lost, you have a place to start or maybe it is something you want to share with another mother.
You can request that download here: https://www.lisakboehm.com/helpful-grief-resources
You can also follow my support group on Facebook. You'll find a more general group and a private group that focuses on more in-depth aspects of healing. Choose what feels right for you: https://www.facebook.com/LisaKBoehmSupport