Dealing with the Loss of a Child: 5 Tips from a Grieving Mother
Dear Grieving Mom,
I see you there wishing you could die too. I see the tears trickling down your face in silence as you suffer the pain of child loss. I can feel the hole that is in your heart. I know that feeling well because I am a grieving mother too.
There are some things I want you to know. As impossible as it may seem, I promise you that you will survive this tragedy that has destroyed the person you were before your child died. I also want you to know that you are not alone, as lonely as this road feels. I am here with you, and so are countless others. Often we walk in silence.
Our broken hearts connect us.
When I look back on the five plus years I have spent on this road, there are a lot of things I wish I had known in the beginning. Now I want to share these tips with you
1. Choose to focus on your child's life, not their death. I wish I had known this simple thing, because once I started focusing the the 17 years I had with my daughter, the more grateful I was for what I had. When you focus on your child's life, you see the blessings and the happiness and joy and all the experiences that you and your child shared. My daughter was more than the moment she died. I want the world to know that Katie had a big laugh that could be heard 3 aisles over in the grocery store and that she had a serious make-up addiction and loved whipped topping on her Starbuck's coffee. I want people to remember her life, not her death.
2. Find your tribe and soon. One of the greatest gifts you can give yourself is the connection to other mothers who have lost a child. You might meet in person in a formal group setting, you might meet for coffee, or you might connect online in a Facebook group. No one else will know your pain or your journey like another grieving mother. You will find that another grieving mom just "gets it" - no matter what you say or don't say. There are many grief support groups online. If you are on Facebook you can search terms like 'child loss' or 'grief' or 'grieving mother' to help you find child loss groups. Join many, try them out, then stick with the ones that feel right for you. (The Hope & Healing Together Community is my tribe and the space that I created for moms who want to find a way to LIVE with this immense loss)