Grief after child loss is not only about the immense 'missing', it's about finding a new way to feel connected to your child. It's about finding new ways to continue your relationship.
I’ve always had loose ideas about how the spiritual world worked. I believed in spirit before Katie died and I believed in God and I believed both could co-exist.
I always felt funny about thinking those seemingly different worlds could exist together until I heard Theresa Caputo, the famous Long Island Medium, say those words.
No one really knows what happens when we die or how it all works, but having faith is important when you are trying to find your footing after loss.
I had something happen to me when I was about 22 years old. When my grandmother died, I was studying for an exam that I was to write the next day. When my mom called to say that Grandma had passed away, I was ready to throw my things in a bag and make the trip south. However, my mom said to stay put. Grandma would want me to write the exam the next day.
Laying in bed, still wide awake, I saw my grandmother in the doorway to my bedroom. I didn’t see a face or human outline, but rather a presence that I somehow knew was there. I can’t explain it, but I knew it was my grandmother. I also knew that she was not there for my sake. She had been unwell for years and had been unable to come to our home and see where we lived. I believe her visit that night was more about making sure that my mom, her daughter, would be ok.
This is exactly how Katie visited me the night she died too.
My husband and I were lying in bed, just 3 hours after being told that Katie had died in a car accident. Unable to sleep and in shock, we couldn't make sense of the strange dancing lights on the bedroom wall.
My husband fell asleep for a few moments when two spirits appeared in the bedroom doorway. After making sure I was awake and as lucid as I could be, I knew it was Katie and my grandma.
I whispered "Katie, Is that you?"
As a way of answering my question, my bedroom became enveloped in the scent of Katie's perfume and I felt her spirit move to my side of the bed. As soon as I realized that this was a visit from Katie, she and the scent disappeared along with the interesting light pattern on the wall. I believe she wanted to say goodbye, let me know she was ok, and was with loved ones in heaven.
Experiencing signs and visits like this helped me know that Katie is still here, albeit in a very different form. It allows me to talk to her and know that she is still a part of my life. But I also believe in God - my higher power. I talked to God a lot in the beginning and still check in and ask for guidance.
I know God is listening, too.
Here are some of the ways you can invite spiritual connection into your healing journey:
Believe. It can be hard to believe in something that is not tangible. If you don't believe that spiritual connection is possible, it will never happen for you. If you open your heart and your mind to the possibilities, you will start noticing a change. Like anything it's all about being consistent with our thoughts and desires.
Pray. There’s no correct method for doing so, at least in my opinion. Talk to God. Open up and say what’s on your heart. It’s ok to say that you're angry or confused or frustrated. God loves us, regardless of how we are feeling or thinking. I always like to start my discussion with God by thanking Him for the blessings in my life, then saying what’s on my mind, then asking for support and healing as I move forward with my grief.
Meditate. Most of think we can’t meditate, especially in the beginning when our minds are numb, but even when our minds stray we are meditating. But to be honest, I like following a guided meditation. It gives my mind something to do: listen. Search guided meditation out on your phone and use your earbuds to listen. If this is new to you, try listening to Jason Stephenson or Michael Sealey. They have numerous recorded meditations that cover topics including sleep and anxiety which you may find helpful.
Visit a respected medium. This may or may not resonate with you and that’s ok. I have such a strong belief in the spirit world and I love hearing the validation of past experiences plus updates from Katie in her new role. Occasionally I also get to hear what Katie would like me to do on my path too, like write a book! If seeing a psychic/medium is something you want to do, ask around and do your research. There are great ones and some not-so-great ones out there.
Sit quietly and allow yourself to BE. Praying is about asking, but if we want answers or connection from our child, we have to learn to be quiet and listen. Put down your phone, turn off all distractions and just listen. I have found this much easier to do in nature; either sitting on a quiet bench or walking in a park. Even though my mind wanders it is open and I feel more connected to my daughter when I'm surrounded by nature.
Read books about spiritual connection. Two books that I can recommend are Theresa Caputo's Good Grief and Laura Lynn Johnson's Signs. Both books share that heaven is not way up in the sky, but all around us and that our loved ones spirits are always with us.
We all have intuitive ability which can be strengthened over time and it bring feelings of peace and hope.
Sending love and light,
PS: If you are a grieving mother who is struggling with grief after the loss of a child, you might be interested in this FREE 5-part video course that I created for Angel Moms like you. You can request it here.